What It Means to Be a Friend (In the Midst of a Global Pandemic)

I have always considered myself to be a "good friend." It has been easy, something that comes naturally to me, as is the case for many. But these days, I have realized that what it used to take to be a "good friend" may no longer be good enough.

My best friend lives in a different city, a different time zone. We catch up weekly with lunch time phone calls - how do I help her to cope now that she is working endless hours on the front lines of COVID?

My sister-in-law is reaching many milestones in her life right now - how do I celebrate her?

My standing brunch date with a fellow actress friend is always an inspiring discussion of our careers - how do we navigate our industry now; how do we find inspiration?

The little girl I babysit everyday after school claims that I am her best friend - how do we play and explore together?

It is time to get creative, persistent, and inventive! At this time we can no longer do anything casually or accidentally, nothing can be half assed when it comes to compassionately caring for one another. We must go out of our way to help our friends.

Right now, it is our super objective (whoa an actor's term!) to get through this pandemic. Okay, bare with me, if this pandemic were a play, me & my friends would all be the characters in the play, right? In the play my super objective would be to survive, and more immediately, in this scene of the play, my objective would be to be a good friend. An important note is that in this scene my character is okay - I am stable enough to be able to reach out and care for other characters in the play. Not every character may be in this same state, and therefore their objectives cannot be to be a good friend, that is okay. It is okay for some to only focus on themselves in some scenes of the play. In working towards my objective of being a good friend, what obstacles do I face? How will these obstacles affect the tactics that I use to achieve my objective, and eventually, my super objective.

My main tactic has been replication - anything that has felt good for me, could feel good for someone else. I have received much love from the friends in the form of virtual happy hours, care packages, socially distanced walks outside, handwritten notes, car parades, funny memes , etc. I can do all of those things for others.

I am also trying to be cognizant of what I know of my friends (not everyone loves the cat memes I laugh at for way too long). For many of my friends, I can anticipate what they need right now. For example, I know my actress/brunch buddy will need a project - I can offer her some ideas. I know my school age bff will need some music to cheer her up, I can make her a video of our favorite songs. But then there are those whose needs I cannot anticipate, which could actually be any one of these friends on any given day. Something that does not come as naturally to me is to pause and ask questions. I cannot always act on my assumptions. I am trying my hardest not to shy away from asking, "How are you? What can I do to help you today?" This is how my version of being a good friend has changed in these times.

And so I pose those questions to you - How are you doing? How can I help you? What do you need?

Comment below; I've got you friend!